because if i ask 'how many calories are in that?' i'll be written out of the will

Why is it that whenever my parents come down to visit I end up gaining 2 pounds in 2 days?

It's probably the high carb, high sugar, high fat diet they roll in here with. Throwing cookies and cake and donuts at me on their way through the door. I just had the most delicious spaghetti dinner with bread buttered to perfection and brocolli that literally melted on my tongue and rolled down my throat to settle happily in my stomach and go, "Ohh yeaaaah." Right next to the coolaid man, apparently.

My mom also kindly bought me irresistible chocolate from Starbucks filled with cream. Right. Like those can actually stay in my turn around longer then four seconds. STARBUCKS CHOCOLATE. WITH CHAI CREAM IN THE MIDDLE. It was practically born with my name on it.

This is totally unfair. I love my parents but I kind of wish they'd turn into uber health nuts who only brought me full grain bread, vitamin smoothies and all natural peanut butter. If only for a weekend. Because this on and off the diet business? Can't be good for my thighs.