why cats are indoor animals - and i am obviously not

We're currently waging war against the angry ginger cat that lives somewhere in this complex.

Last night I'm sitting on the couch reading my plethora of magazines while my brother watches the news when I hear a scraping sound out on the patio. I peek out the door and notice hmm, our garbage seems to have somehow moved its heavy ass onto the grass. Now I know we get some strong winds in between buildings but aside from a class 4 tornado there's no way that bag full of cereal boxes, pizza wrappers, left over chicken and corn husks moved itself two feet from the patio to the grass.

I get up to investigate and just as I'm poking my head out the door I see a streak of red and white before I slam open the door and shout, "OI! GINGER CAT! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT OF MY GARBAGE!" My brother leaps up and is all "WHERE? WHERE?" Because up until now he's been convinced that I'm making up the angry ginger cat stories because he's never once seen it. Even though he's witnessed the shredded evidence of our previous garbage bags having their insides spread out on the grass for all the other tenants to see. Oh you had burgers again this week? Did the news section of the newspaper not interest you at all? My they sure do go through a lot of sponges...

Right cause that's all I need is my nosey heavy footed neighbors upstairs to start picking apart my garbage and deciding they know exactly what kind of person I am based on the volume of dryer sheets I go through in a week.

I jump out onto the patio and start waving my arms in the air. The cat stares up at me, half a week old chicken breast caught in its fat mouth. It clearly isn't giving that delicious morsel up anytime soon. My brother steps out behind me and when I start to point, "See! I told you! Fat angry ginger cat stealing our garbage!"

"Oh," he goes. And just looks at the cat. I'm all "Oh? OH? You didn't believe me for like a month that cat's were even allowed in this complex let alone ravaging our garbage. I believe we had an argument about werewolves vs the strength of the wind between buildings. Now you're all 'oh' about it."

Meanwhile, while we're arguing about the existence of the cat, the damn thing pulls another bit of week old food out of our garbage and scampers off with it. We spend the next five minutes trying to devise a plan to trap it McGuiver style using a complicated pulley system and twigs.

Eventually we give up and decide to just walk the garbage down to the dumpster from now on.

I'm sure that cat is off dying somewhere of horrendous food poisoning from two week old chicken mixed with week old rice and a month old can of condensed milk. Let this be a lesson to anyone who lets their cat wander around outside. I'm totally not above feeding it the most disgusting things I can find just so it shits all over your new clean carpets. Hope you enjoy that chicken breast as much as I did.