Top Excuses To Avoid The Gym (that is three feet away from my apartment):
10. It's snowing. In Wisconsin. SURPRISE.
9. I can't find my boots
8. My horoscope said something fabulous was going to happen to me today (and obviously I'll miss it if I'm on the treadmill)
7. My blog needs me
6. I can't do anything before I've had coffee. And then another. And some waffles. And maybe a granola bar for endurance and ooh lunch time!
5. I still have leggings in my closet. Clearly I need to do a blitz clean.
4. I have two movies from Netflix in the mail that I have to watch right away. Gotta keep that line flowin'.
3. The bathroom needs cleaning. Then the kitchen and the living room and the bedroom and the...
2. I haven't talked to my mom in 2 hours. Better call.
1. I'm feeling fat (look, I never said these excuses made sense)
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
apparently being fat isn't a job
Alright so today I'm laming it up. I went to the gym yesterday for an hour and a half and feel like I did enough self ass kicking to cover my laziness for today.
That and my arms hurt. So here come the excuses already and it's the second day back in the groove. Instead of heading to the gym (like half a block away from me, shut up) I started a food log online and in my moleskin so I can both be judged by others and myself on a daily basis for thinking tender thoughts toward dirty milano cookies. This is why I just need to not have this shit in my house. Because then I get in the "well the only way to get it out IS TO EAT IT" mentality which means me buried in my pantry wolfing down cookies and cereal instead of just throwing it away like a sane person.
I think this new diet/exercise program might be getting some of my motivation back. Except, you know, when I'm avoiding going to the gym but still. At least I have the dream of having motivation. I'm also submitting an application to do volunteer work at the hospital and am now fully through 4 agencies trying to help me find jobs.
You hear that Wisconsin unemployment? THIS IS ME, STILL WAITING FOR MY DAMN CHECK. I'm about go Stewie on someone's ass "BITCH WHERE'S MY MONEY" style. My bank account is down to about $200 and my savings is almost non-existent. I have to talk myself down from daily panic attacks that I'm going to end up homeless and fighting with the fat ginger cat outside for the scraps left over under people's grills.
I need to find a way to make money that isn't prostitution or selling valuable organs on the black market. But I also don't want to get stuck in some dead-end job working for some douche opening his emails and answering phone calls. Except I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I want to write but the only thing I know how to write about is myself and I don't think I can publish a book about how to lose your job and sit on your ass for two months. Because I think half of America already knows how.
I'm hoping losing some weight can get me back on track, or at least give me something to do until my unemployment runs out and I end up homeless outside with the ginge.
Seriously though. WHERE'S MY MONEY?
That and my arms hurt. So here come the excuses already and it's the second day back in the groove. Instead of heading to the gym (like half a block away from me, shut up) I started a food log online and in my moleskin so I can both be judged by others and myself on a daily basis for thinking tender thoughts toward dirty milano cookies. This is why I just need to not have this shit in my house. Because then I get in the "well the only way to get it out IS TO EAT IT" mentality which means me buried in my pantry wolfing down cookies and cereal instead of just throwing it away like a sane person.
I think this new diet/exercise program might be getting some of my motivation back. Except, you know, when I'm avoiding going to the gym but still. At least I have the dream of having motivation. I'm also submitting an application to do volunteer work at the hospital and am now fully through 4 agencies trying to help me find jobs.
You hear that Wisconsin unemployment? THIS IS ME, STILL WAITING FOR MY DAMN CHECK. I'm about go Stewie on someone's ass "BITCH WHERE'S MY MONEY" style. My bank account is down to about $200 and my savings is almost non-existent. I have to talk myself down from daily panic attacks that I'm going to end up homeless and fighting with the fat ginger cat outside for the scraps left over under people's grills.
I need to find a way to make money that isn't prostitution or selling valuable organs on the black market. But I also don't want to get stuck in some dead-end job working for some douche opening his emails and answering phone calls. Except I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I want to write but the only thing I know how to write about is myself and I don't think I can publish a book about how to lose your job and sit on your ass for two months. Because I think half of America already knows how.
I'm hoping losing some weight can get me back on track, or at least give me something to do until my unemployment runs out and I end up homeless outside with the ginge.
Seriously though. WHERE'S MY MONEY?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
oh unemployment--at least i have you
So here's what's happened to me in the last couple of months while I was blogger MIA:
1. I was laid off from my job
2. I gained about 10 pounds over the holidays (fuck you giant apple almond pie)
3. I lost the treadmill in my apartment (aka my dad reclaimed it in the name of walking on it in his slippers and spotty pajamas)
4. I'm now unemployed and 10 pounds heavier
You think your life is spinning out of control? Try eating yourself into a milano double chocolate cookie coma after having to spend 3 hours trying to reach someone at the unemployment office after they unceremoniously tell you they aren't sending you money because you answered a question CORRECTLY.
Here's a tip Wisconsin unemployment office--those helpful links you have next to each question for dumb people to look at if they don't know how to answer if they've been fired or not? Yeah. NOT HELPING. Especially when they tell you to answer yes if you were "fired, let go or laid off from a position" which I WAS laid off so guess what my answer was? YES. Surprise! I guess I really have to stop reading so intently in the future.
Anyway, unemployment joys aside, I spend my days applying for jobs I'm either over qualified or vastly under qualified for. And when I'm not personally debating my own merits I'm spending the rest of my time trying to uncover internet "get rich" schemes by reporting them as spam on careerbuilder. Hey I've gotta take all this pent up bored angst somehow. And it's either that or reporting my former jobs careerbuiler listings as having inappropriate content.
Come to think of it--nah. I'm above all that. For now.
At least until tomorrow when I've cleaned the apartment for the 90th time until the kitchen sink starts to squeak under all that gleam and I've beaten every DS game within a 200 mile radius of me. I'm getting desperate here.
Desperate enough to start working out again? Dragging my ass down the two blocks to my free apartment work out area? Forcing myself onto the giant FREE treadmill under the giant FREE plasma screens? Maybe. But I'm sure I can think up some inane excuse to get out of it.
After all, I hear there are some prime internet scams that need to be reported. Someone's gotta crack that shit wide open.
1. I was laid off from my job
2. I gained about 10 pounds over the holidays (fuck you giant apple almond pie)
3. I lost the treadmill in my apartment (aka my dad reclaimed it in the name of walking on it in his slippers and spotty pajamas)
4. I'm now unemployed and 10 pounds heavier
You think your life is spinning out of control? Try eating yourself into a milano double chocolate cookie coma after having to spend 3 hours trying to reach someone at the unemployment office after they unceremoniously tell you they aren't sending you money because you answered a question CORRECTLY.
Here's a tip Wisconsin unemployment office--those helpful links you have next to each question for dumb people to look at if they don't know how to answer if they've been fired or not? Yeah. NOT HELPING. Especially when they tell you to answer yes if you were "fired, let go or laid off from a position" which I WAS laid off so guess what my answer was? YES. Surprise! I guess I really have to stop reading so intently in the future.
Anyway, unemployment joys aside, I spend my days applying for jobs I'm either over qualified or vastly under qualified for. And when I'm not personally debating my own merits I'm spending the rest of my time trying to uncover internet "get rich" schemes by reporting them as spam on careerbuilder. Hey I've gotta take all this pent up bored angst somehow. And it's either that or reporting my former jobs careerbuiler listings as having inappropriate content.
Come to think of it--nah. I'm above all that. For now.
At least until tomorrow when I've cleaned the apartment for the 90th time until the kitchen sink starts to squeak under all that gleam and I've beaten every DS game within a 200 mile radius of me. I'm getting desperate here.
Desperate enough to start working out again? Dragging my ass down the two blocks to my free apartment work out area? Forcing myself onto the giant FREE treadmill under the giant FREE plasma screens? Maybe. But I'm sure I can think up some inane excuse to get out of it.
After all, I hear there are some prime internet scams that need to be reported. Someone's gotta crack that shit wide open.
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