oh unemployment--at least i have you

So here's what's happened to me in the last couple of months while I was blogger MIA:

1. I was laid off from my job
2. I gained about 10 pounds over the holidays (fuck you giant apple almond pie)
3. I lost the treadmill in my apartment (aka my dad reclaimed it in the name of walking on it in his slippers and spotty pajamas)
4. I'm now unemployed and 10 pounds heavier

You think your life is spinning out of control? Try eating yourself into a milano double chocolate cookie coma after having to spend 3 hours trying to reach someone at the unemployment office after they unceremoniously tell you they aren't sending you money because you answered a question CORRECTLY.

Here's a tip Wisconsin unemployment office--those helpful links you have next to each question for dumb people to look at if they don't know how to answer if they've been fired or not? Yeah. NOT HELPING. Especially when they tell you to answer yes if you were "fired, let go or laid off from a position" which I WAS laid off so guess what my answer was? YES. Surprise! I guess I really have to stop reading so intently in the future.

Anyway, unemployment joys aside, I spend my days applying for jobs I'm either over qualified or vastly under qualified for. And when I'm not personally debating my own merits I'm spending the rest of my time trying to uncover internet "get rich" schemes by reporting them as spam on careerbuilder. Hey I've gotta take all this pent up bored angst somehow. And it's either that or reporting my former jobs careerbuiler listings as having inappropriate content.

Come to think of it--nah. I'm above all that. For now.

At least until tomorrow when I've cleaned the apartment for the 90th time until the kitchen sink starts to squeak under all that gleam and I've beaten every DS game within a 200 mile radius of me. I'm getting desperate here.

Desperate enough to start working out again? Dragging my ass down the two blocks to my free apartment work out area? Forcing myself onto the giant FREE treadmill under the giant FREE plasma screens? Maybe. But I'm sure I can think up some inane excuse to get out of it.

After all, I hear there are some prime internet scams that need to be reported. Someone's gotta crack that shit wide open.